Jessie Anne Harrison
Big Girl Job, Little Girl Sorrows
I’m twenty-five and still get sweaty hands
Standing in an elementary school cafeteria,
And I dread walking past those short tables,
Certain I’ll overhear the sixth graders
Whispering about my frizzy hair and glasses.
When I’m handed a tray with nachos and beans,
I’m embarrassed that the lunchroom monitor
Knows my name without having to ask—
I am a teacher,
The monitor is my coworker,
And I am a thousand miles away
From Mrs. Roman’s fourth grade class and bullies,
And I’m still going to eat lunch in the library
My Younger Self Doesn’t Want to Meet for Coffee
And between you and me, it’s for the better.
She doesn’t want to know she made it to 25,
Nor could she handle the fact that I drink black tea now,
And I’m not getting married in the temple,
And I stopped caring if skirts reached my knees.
I know she’s embarrassed that I know
Just how often she throws her lunch away
And runs to the library to read,
So even if all of these things weren’t true,
I wouldn’t put her through the pain of seeing
Another adult with kind eyes smile
And know she’s angry and aching and absolutely
Not planning on making it to college alive.
But if, by chance, she did show her face
At the coffee shop she would feel
A twinge of sin for stepping in,
I would hold her hands,
Ignoring how cold they are,
And I wouldn’t promise her rainbows or sunshine,
But I would tell her that when she makes it to me,
She’s finally able to withstand the weight
Of breathing and her lungs aren’t collapsing,
That she has too many people
Who belong in her wedding party,
That with all the heartbreak and therapy sessions
And nights trying to make constellations in the ceiling,
There are finally photos she looks like herself in,
Poems she wrote that people find worth publishing,
And some nights where she sleeps,
And she doesn’t even wake up screaming.
She doesn’t want to meet me for coffee,
But I will keep waiting for her anyway.
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Jessie Anne Harrison (she/her) is a poet from Houston, Texas, now in her final semester of a Creative Writing MFA from Arcadia University. Her poetry can be found at Anodyne Magazine, The Prose Poem, and elsewhere. |
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