I Saw Something That Wasn’t There

I don’t know if all of this is sickness or vision.
I had a terribly sad
memory today. During the radical
time when I was screaming
my mom said my dad said
he could make a little writing space
for me at his print shop.
I don’t know, I guess I wasn’t all there,
I wasn’t done yet destroying the Door.

Are the Fates related to Fatuous?
I think it was Derrida
who said your eyes never change.
But my eyes change every day.

And then as I was fighting sorrow
in the other room I heard
my sister ask,
Do you want to take me to the doctor?
I was stricken—but I got a reprieve.
When she spoke again she said,
I said, do you want to try my nachos?

They say this ‘work’ is finding out about yourself.
Then I’m doing what they do at CERN:
Just collide a bunch of stuff off
each other and see what happens.