Charles P. Ries | The 2River View, 7.3 (Spring 2003) |
Plumbing for Salvation I felt the vulnerability women must feel when visiting the OB/GYN. Legs wide open and buck naked. My vas deferens were being snipped and soldered shut. A procedure, that would liberate me from spreading ill conceived seed in fertile thighs. Ever heard of the Church of The Later Day Saints? the cheery vas deferen snipping urologist asked. Well, generally I have. But specifically I haven’t. I mean, I’m not really practicing any one religion at the moment. I could feel his heart skip a beat. Well then, as long as I’ve got your attention, let me tell you a little bit about it. Is this legal? I wondered. Doing the Lord’s work during office hours. Preaching salvation to men who’d just surrendered their balls in hopes of sexual liberation? I turned my gaze toward the table with the surgical scissors, forceps, and cotton gauze. The handsome urologist chattered on. I listened. I asked questions. I was ready to go all the way. I would win my family tree a free pass to the promised land. I became weak. I was compliant. My standards receded. I told lies to appease him into thinking he’d landed me. I did what I had to do. As I arose from the Conversion Table I realized I had been set free by a doctor who sterilized guys while offering them a clear shot at heaven. God does work in mysterious ways. |
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